Shame


I lay, contented, as you greedily

Suckled at my breast.

Wincing as a sharp baby tooth

Drew a drop of blood, red,

To flavour the blandness of my milk

the new taste, your first grimace,

still brings a smile to my lips.

I indulged triumphant toddling steps

That wrought havoc; your indignant bawls

as you fell, bumped, and blundered…

Gripped you just in time

To stop a tumble down the stairs

Firm, unyielding.

your angry protest

A faint crescent etched by baby nail.

Is still on my arm.

I rounded my eyes to mimic yours,

wide open, delighted, amazed

As brave princes fought monsters

And saved damsels, weaving gossamer fantasies.

I kissed your plump cheeks, wet with tears

for mermaids who suffered

From unrequited love.

Your salty, sweet taste,

Is still on my tongue.

I watched bewildered, as limbs lengthened,

And body curved enticingly

All silk and silver moonbeam glow

bewitching each eye that saw…

I frowned at a neck too low, dress too tight,

at heels too high, at lips too red,

at a laugh too loud

at lashes too long, aflutter.

Because you did not see

Or pretended not to see

Or perversely, wanted to see

Hungry eyes stripping you

As you passed.

Your pleas, accusations, rage,

Still ring in my ears.

I bore your wrath

When I shattered myths

That princes in armour are fairy tales

But monsters are real.

And preached the bald truth

that one can soar

only when wings are strong

And currents favorable.

that freedom is best tempered with wisdom

Differences must be accepted

With grace; 

you spat in my face when I said 

that rough white shrouds

are also a stark reality.

I warned, you ignored; I ranted, you raved;

I pleaded, you shrugged; I imposed, you rebelled;

In the cruel insouciance of youth,

you crushed upon my head

a crown of thorns and

paraded me on an ass

Reviling and jeering at

my sagging breasts, wrinkled face,

tired eyes, tattered values.

As crowds thronged to witness,

Silent, delighted voyeurs,

Neither condoning nor condemning.

I hung my head in shame,

As you wanted me to.

But not for the reason

that you wanted me to.

I was ashamed, my child,

of you.